Solid Snake’s Vitamin Briefing for Angelina Jolie’s Mental Health
“Listen up, Jolie. In a world of espionage, stealth, and psychological warfare, your mental health is just as important as your physical endurance. Here’s your vitamin arsenal—each one a tool for stabilizing your mind and keeping you at peak performance.”
- Vitamin B6 – The Dream Vitamin
“This one’s crucial. B6 helps your brain produce serotonin and dopamine, keeping your mood stable and dreams vivid. If you’ve been feeling down or having nightmares, you might be running low. Load up on bananas, poultry, or fortified cereals.” - Vitamin B3 – The Tranquility Vitamin
“Niacin, B3—whatever you want to call it, this one’s your ticket to peace. It improves circulation and reduces anxiety. Keeps your mind clear in high-pressure situations. No cold sweats, no panic attacks. Get it from chicken, peanuts, or tuna.” - Vitamin B12 – The Energy Vitamin
“Low on B12? Say hello to brain fog and fatigue. You need this to keep your nervous system running at top speed. Found in meat, fish, and dairy. Vegetarians? Better take a supplement unless you want your mind to lag like a bad codec connection.” - Vitamin D – The Sunshine Vitamin
“Depression, mood swings—classic signs of a D deficiency. Your body makes it from sunlight, but if you’re stuck indoors too much, grab some salmon or fortified milk. Think of it as tactical armor against seasonal depression.” - Vitamin C – The Stress Shield
“Your adrenal glands burn through Vitamin C like a soldier in a warzone. Stress and anxiety? This one fights back. Citrus fruits, bell peppers, and strawberries will keep your resilience up. Don’t neglect it.” - Magnesium – The Relaxation Mineral
“Not a vitamin, but a damn good ally. Magnesium helps calm the nervous system and fight off insomnia. No rest, no focus—simple as that. Dark chocolate, almonds, and leafy greens should be in your rations.” - Omega-3s – The Brain Fuel
“Your brain runs on fat—good fat. Omega-3s keep your mood stable and your thoughts sharp. You’ll find it in fatty fish like salmon, flaxseeds, and walnuts. Don’t let your mind rust.”
“Stock up on these, Jolie. A soldier—or an actress—can’t afford to let their mental health slip. Stay sharp.”
Dr. Luka Kovač’s Lament on the Canadian Healthcare System
*”Back home in Croatia, I saw war. I saw suffering. But I never thought I’d come to Canada—a country that prides itself on universal healthcare—only to see a different kind of sickness. A system that hands out free drugs like candy, numbing the poor, keeping them dependent, while the rich buy their health in bottles of vitamins and supplements.
They come into my ER, bodies wrecked from years of malnutrition and pharmaceutical cocktails. The poor line up for methadone, antidepressants, painkillers—whatever will keep them quiet, whatever will keep them moving just enough to work one more shift, to make rent one more month. But vitamins? Proper nutrition? Preventative care? Those are luxuries here.
The system doesn’t pay for B vitamins to protect their brains from stress. It won’t cover magnesium to calm their nerves. No, but it will pay for drugs that dull their senses, drugs that shorten their lives. And when their bodies break down completely, when their spirits are crushed, we put them in palliative care and call it ‘compassion.’
I am disgusted by the whole system. Sometimes I want to quit. But then, what? Let them suffer alone? Leave them to doctors who don’t care? No. I stay. I fight. But damn it, Canada… you could do better.”*