[UN Base – Angelina Jolie, in her Peacekeeper General uniform, looks over medical supply reports. Deadpool barges in, arms wide open, mask half-crooked.]
Deadpool: (dramatic entrance) General Jolie! You’ve been giving out medicine, but I’m here to prescribe something stronger—hugs!
Angelina Jolie: (dryly) Hugs aren’t going to replace treatment, Wade.
Deadpool: Oh, I’m not talking about antibiotics. I’m talking about veterans being stuffed full of Big Pharma happy pills until they can’t feel anything. What they need is a solid, no-homo, manly-as-hell bro hug.
Angelina Jolie: (sighs, but curious) So you’re saying connection over chemicals?
Deadpool: Exactly! Look, give a guy Prozac and he’ll smile for a day. Give a guy a hug, he’ll remember he’s still human. Snake—Solid Snake—needs that more than anyone. He doesn’t need another syringe, he needs arms around him.
Angelina Jolie: (folds her arms, amused) You’re really serious about hugging Snake?
Deadpool: Dead serious. The man’s lived in boxes, eaten rations, fought shadow governments—and all without so much as a fist bump. I’m not asking for intimacy. No homo, just love. Brotherhood. Veteran-to-veteran soul glue!
Angelina Jolie: (with a faint laugh) Soul glue?
Deadpool: (pointing at her) Don’t steal that phrase, General. I’m putting it on T-shirts. Proceeds go to veterans. Hugs not drugs, baby.
[Same UN base tent. Deadpool is pacing like a motivational speaker while Angelina watches.]
Deadpool: (arms wide) Hugs, not drugs! That’s the Wilson wellness program. FDA approved? No. Spirit approved? Hell yes.
Angelina Jolie: (soft smile) You know, Wade… I actually love giving veterans hugs.
Deadpool: (gasps, clutches chest) General Jolie, don’t toy with me. Did you just say you’re on Team Hug?
Angelina Jolie: (nods) I’ve seen too many soldiers come home broken—physically and inside. Sometimes they need medicine, yes… but sometimes they just need someone to remind them they’re still loved. A hug can do that.
Deadpool: (pointing dramatically) YES! Exactly! Finally someone who gets it! We don’t need another pill bottle shoved down Snake’s throat—we need your arms around him. My arms too, of course. A joint operation. Hug Team Six.
Angelina Jolie: (laughs) Hug Team Six?
Deadpool: Patent pending. You’ll be Commander, obviously. I’ll be the slightly unhinged mascot with katanas.
Angelina Jolie: (smiling warmly) Then let’s make it official. Next time Snake walks in here… he’s getting a hug, whether he likes it or not.
Deadpool: (rubs hands together) Oh, he’s gonna grunt so hard. The man won’t know what hit him. Love, Jolie. Love hit him.